I’m Lonely: When is Too Soon to Start Dating?

September 22, 2024

The answer to this question depends on who you ask. Queen Victoria famously mourned Prince Albert by wearing black for the remainder of her life, forty years. The fictional character Scarlet O’Hara in the novel Gone With the Wind scandalized her peers by dancing with a bachelor at a charity event while “still in black.” The “approved mourning period” of the time was two years and six months. In our time, for most of us, there is no prescribed time period for mourning. In other words, deciding when to start dating after the death of a spouse is personal. Some are ready in a matter of weeks— others, never.

 

While deciding when to start seeing someone after losing a spouse is a personal decision, it is still best to do a little self-reflection before jumping in. Dating is not likely to bring your feeling of loss to an end. It may help to think of the dating experience like dancing. Suppose a person really likes to dance, maybe they have a partner they have been dancing with for many years. The two of them have, over the years, developed a comfortable routine. When they take to the floor, the ebb and flow just happens. It is mindless, it is easy. They are in a comfortable groove. They have done this a countless number of times before. The same dance, with a new and different dance partner, may allow the dancer to participate in the joy of the dance, but it will not be the same.


Dating with the expectation of replacing the person who died or the feeling you had with them is not likely to work. Not only will you be disappointed in the experience, but it is also not fair to the new person you are bringing into your life. In order for dating to be a good experience, it must be undertaken with an open mind and a level of curiosity. Dating is about getting to know someone new.


Getting to know a new person takes time, and it is a bit of work. Be sure you are up to the task. Be mindful of the idea that dating will also require that you are ready to be known. To be open and ready to share who you are with someone new. These are not easy things to do. Especially when a person has been in a long marriage where needs and wants had become second nature. Your spouse knew you. A new person will have no idea that you drink your coffee black, sleep in on Sunday, always use cloth napkins, and never miss Jeopardy.


It is not unusual for the widower or widow to be out of sync with family members as to when is the right time to seek the companionship dating may provide. For children, even when they are grown children, having a parent dating can be a hard pill to swallow. The emotions they feel may cover a wide range from fear for your safety to fear of losing you to a new love. Before jumping into the dating pool, take a little time to center yourself and prepare your family. The preparation you undertake may make the experience easier and more rewarding for all.


www.vittstermeranderson.com

Coming Together in Grief: Planning a Funeral with Family

February 24, 2025
Planning a funeral is undoubtedly one of the most challenging experiences anyone can go through. It's a time filled with sorrow and an overwhelming list of decisions to make—ranging from selecting the final resting place to choosing the music, food, and flowers. In these moments, you might find yourself caught between a racing mind and an inability to move forward, feeling unprepared yet burdened by the looming responsibilities.

Funerals in America – Can you still “do it yourself?”

February 24, 2025
Can you have a “do it yourself funeral” is a question one cannot answer for oneself. For obvious reasons … you simply cannot … you as a deceased person will not be able to undertake any of the actions required to carry off the task. If one is thinking along this line … wishing for a home-based funeral for themselves … one needs to ask their family, can you have a home-based funeral… for me? Do you feel up to the task?

Death Care in America … When did Americans begin to Cremate?

February 24, 2025
Being buried or cremated is just a personal choice. A choice that a person makes based on what they believe and what they hope will bring comfort to their family. The important thing that we need to cling to is a reverence for life. A life ending leaves a hole or at least a dent in the lives of those left behind. Those who knew and loved the person who died. There are tears, laughter, and memories to share. Whether we bury or cremate, whichever is chosen, we all must find a way to acknowledge the loss of a life. That is what makes us human … we live, we love, we care, we grieve.

Can Catholics Be Cremated and What To Do with the Cremains?

January 23, 2025
Final disposition is a personal choice. For many, their choice is guided by their religion, with many faiths having rules and restrictions about the proper way to spend forever. For many years, final disposition meant burial for Catholics, but what’s allowed today? Can Catholics be cremated? And, if so, are there rules on how to handle a cremated loved one?

I Want to be Cremated but my Spouse Does Not. Can we Still be Buried Together?

January 23, 2025
Choosing to spend eternity together is a beautiful way to show that the love between you and your partner does not end with your passing. When you pick out a burial plot in a cemetery, you’re deciding on a space where you can continue to be in one another’s company after your time together in this world has passed.

Finding the Right Words: Comforting Tips for Funeral Attendees

January 23, 2025
Finding the right words to express your feelings during such a deeply emotional time can feel daunting, and there is often a fear of saying something that might inadvertently cause more pain. We want to reassure you that your efforts to convey sympathy and your decision to be present are already profoundly supportive. In this guide, we'll provide you with straightforward advice to help alleviate some of this anxiety, ensuring that your words are both comforting and appropriate.

What are the Catholic Burial Rites?

January 8, 2025
When we say goodbye to the people we love, we often have certain traditions. Some of these traditions come from our families, but for many people, the faith they had in life informs the way their spirits are given a final farewell. When it comes to the Catholic faith, the Church offers a purposeful way to say goodbye, one that strengthens their bond with God and the community’s faith in Christ. This tradition is called the Catholic funeral rites or the Catholic burial rites, which contain three vital parts.

Death Care in America – The Birth of the Funeral Profession

January 8, 2025
Today, our options have multiplied. We can choose to be embalmed, cremated, or buried. We can choose to have a faith-based service or a secular celebration of life. We can choose to have an almost immediate burial, or we can wait for a more convenient time. We can even choose to have a home-based funeral service. Regardless of how we decide to say good-bye to our loved ones, we have access to the guidance of caring professionals: our local funeral directors, who operate under the guidelines and legal requirements of the state in which we reside.

Dressing for a Funeral: Comfort, Respect, and What to Wear

January 7, 2025
Attending a funeral is one of those things that makes everyone pause, not just because of the emotional weight, but also the big question: "What do I wear?" Let’s discuss.

Embracing Family in Funeral Planning

January 7, 2025
When it comes time to say goodbye to a loved one, the focus of the funeral often naturally falls on the family. It's the people who loved and knew the deceased best—spouses, children, grandchildren, friends, and even coworkers—who come together to remember and honor their life. After all, a funeral serves primarily those who survive; it is a rite that helps us shift our focus from the circumstances of death to celebrating the life that was lived.
More Posts