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Until Death Us Do Part: Losing a Spouse, Three to Six months after loss
February 14, 2020
By now most of the big stuff is probably done. The thank you notes have been written and mailed. The marker or head stone has been placed or you’ve found a place for the urn. You’ve probably filed for the life insurance, and perhaps you’ve even begun to clean out his closet.
You may be wondering, what have I missed?
- Have you changed the titles to the car?
- Put the deed to the home in your name?
- Have you changed the utilities and cable service into your name?
- Is your medical power of attorney up to date?
- Have you updated your estate plan or will?
- Have you spoken to an accountant or tax expert about any tax consequences associated with gifts you have made or increased allocations from IRA or investments?
How about you? What are you doing to take care of you?
- Are you up-to–date with your health and dental care?
- Are you eating well?
- Are you learning to cook or have you gotten someone to mow the lawn?
- Have you had lunch or dinner with a friend?
- Have you done something fun? A movie? Golf? A ballgame?
Scientists tell us there is a hand/mind connection. Doing things with our hands actually increases our sense of well-being. Even simple chores such as washing the dishes, preparing your meal, or even making your bed help to provide purpose and a natural routine. Why not step outside of your box and try something creative that you used to enjoy doing or have thought about trying? Don’t discount the value of a craft, woodworking or art project.
Finally, see people. Human contact is vital to your new normal. If your friends and family aren’t calling you, then call them. Look for a movie you would like to see, a museum you would like to visit, or a restaurant you would like to try and ask someone to join you.
Final disposition is a personal choice. For many, their choice is guided by their religion, with many faiths having rules and restrictions about the proper way to spend forever. For many years, final disposition meant burial for Catholics, but what’s allowed today? Can Catholics be cremated? And, if so, are there rules on how to handle a cremated loved one?
Choosing to spend eternity together is a beautiful way to show that the love between you and your partner does not end with your passing. When you pick out a burial plot in a cemetery, you’re deciding on a space where you can continue to be in one another’s company after your time together in this world has passed.
Finding the right words to express your feelings during such a deeply emotional time can feel daunting, and there is often a fear of saying something that might inadvertently cause more pain. We want to reassure you that your efforts to convey sympathy and your decision to be present are already profoundly supportive. In this guide, we'll provide you with straightforward advice to help alleviate some of this anxiety, ensuring that your words are both comforting and appropriate.
When we say goodbye to the people we love, we often have certain traditions. Some of these traditions come from our families, but for many people, the faith they had in life informs the way their spirits are given a final farewell. When it comes to the Catholic faith, the Church offers a purposeful way to say goodbye, one that strengthens their bond with God and the community’s faith in Christ. This tradition is called the Catholic funeral rites or the Catholic burial rites, which contain three vital parts.
Today, our options have multiplied. We can choose to be embalmed, cremated, or buried. We can choose to have a faith-based service or a secular celebration of life. We can choose to have an almost immediate burial, or we can wait for a more convenient time. We can even choose to have a home-based funeral service. Regardless of how we decide to say good-bye to our loved ones, we have access to the guidance of caring professionals: our local funeral directors, who operate under the guidelines and legal requirements of the state in which we reside.
Attending a funeral is one of those things that makes everyone pause, not just because of the emotional weight, but also the big question: "What do I wear?" Let’s discuss.
When it comes time to say goodbye to a loved one, the focus of the funeral often naturally falls on the family. It's the people who loved and knew the deceased best—spouses, children, grandchildren, friends, and even coworkers—who come together to remember and honor their life. After all, a funeral serves primarily those who survive; it is a rite that helps us shift our focus from the circumstances of death to celebrating the life that was lived.
There’s a lot to consider when looking for either your or your loved one’s final resting place, to the point that it can be easy to get overwhelmed. The decision only becomes more complicated when you’re met with unfamiliar vernacular. One choice you may have to make is between entombment or interment. But what exactly do those terms mean? And what’s the difference between interment and entombment?
The world of funeral homes can be filled with unfamiliar terminology, and keeping track of it all gets confusing. Talking about cremation is no exception. So, what does it mean when someone says that they’re going to a crematory? What about a retort? Are those the same thing? Let’s break down the difference between these locations that are crucial to the cremation process.
Not everyone preplans their funeral, but doing so is a gift to your loved ones. By doing so, you’re allowing your family to grieve in peace without having to worry about the hundreds of decisions that accompany the funeral-planning process. You’re also giving your family peace of mind by telling them your wishes for your funeral and final disposition. Since they know what you would have wanted, they won’t have to worry about whether or not they’re making the right choices.
