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Grief - Feeling Indecisive

March 31, 2023

Grief is a multi-feeling experience. The closer you were to the person who died, the more your life was intertwined with theirs, the more “feelings” you are likely to experience. Some of these feelings are expected, like feeling sad, or lonely, but others can catch you off guard.

Feeling indecisive is one of those feelings. It is not at all uncommon to find yourself having difficulty making decisions. But it is often unexpected and therefore puzzling.

Especially when a person loses a partner, a husband or a wife, someone whose life, past, present and future had been linked to their own, they find making decisions great and small can be overwhelming.

When a person has lost the person who was the whoa to their go, or the leap to their standing on the edge, pressing forward and making choices alone can feel almost impossible. And yet, the death of such a partner is likely to generate a deluge of such decisions.

Hesitation is not always bad; it can slow a person down and provide time to weigh the options. It can allow time to gather information so a better-informed decision can be made. Indecision can be positive as long as it doesn’t prevent a person from making time sensitive decisions, or getting stuck in a deteriorating situation, or abdicating to a person who does not have one’s best interests at heart. 

If you find yourself in a situation where you are feeling overwhelmed with the number of decisions that need to be made start by making a list. What needs to be done? Now, look at your list and begin to make sub lists. 

What is time sensitive? Some things like probate must be completed in a prescribed timeframe. Make sure you are getting these things done on time to avoid complications or penalties. 

What can be delegated? If you can hand off a job, go ahead and lighten your load.  Before you delegate the task be certain you have thought it through. Give the person you have chosen to complete the task clear direction. Be as precise as you can about what you want done and how it should be carried out. Then let go. Give the job to someone you trust and let them do it. 

Where do you need expert advice? Make appointments with the lawyer, financial advisor, or whoever can provide you with the information and options you need in order to make good decisions. Gather the information you need. Give yourself a deadline for completing the task and focus on that one thing. Ticking it off the list will lift your spirits.  

What is best left to later? Many experts agree, when a person can, it’s best to wait six months to a year to make big decisions. Things like selling a house, moving, or changing jobs are best left until your head has begun to clear. Take care of the immediate needs and give yourself a little breathing space for the things that can marinate for a while.

Quick Tips:

Second guessing can be an indication that you really are not happy with a pending decision. It can be an indication that you are about to make a wrong decision. Trust your gut.

Is the decision getting harder to make the more you dwell on it? This can be an indication that you are afraid of something. Find your fear, write it down. Gather more information or expert advice. Set a time limit.

Ask yourself how much will this matter in ten years?

In the end… let go and leap. Every decision can’t be perfect. Accept that what is your best for now is good enough.

www.vittstermeranderson.com

Vitt, Stermer & Anderson Funeral & Cremation Services has been serving the families of Cincinnati with respect and professionalism since 1899. They provide quality funeral, burial, cremation and memorial services as well as special services for veterans from their locations in Delhi and Cheviot. They also provide options to pre-plan and pre-pay for your final wishes in advance. Learn more at www.vittstermeranderson.com.

Can Catholics Be Cremated and What To Do with the Cremains?

January 23, 2025
Final disposition is a personal choice. For many, their choice is guided by their religion, with many faiths having rules and restrictions about the proper way to spend forever. For many years, final disposition meant burial for Catholics, but what’s allowed today? Can Catholics be cremated? And, if so, are there rules on how to handle a cremated loved one?

I Want to be Cremated but my Spouse Does Not. Can we Still be Buried Together?

January 23, 2025
Choosing to spend eternity together is a beautiful way to show that the love between you and your partner does not end with your passing. When you pick out a burial plot in a cemetery, you’re deciding on a space where you can continue to be in one another’s company after your time together in this world has passed.

Finding the Right Words: Comforting Tips for Funeral Attendees

January 23, 2025
Finding the right words to express your feelings during such a deeply emotional time can feel daunting, and there is often a fear of saying something that might inadvertently cause more pain. We want to reassure you that your efforts to convey sympathy and your decision to be present are already profoundly supportive. In this guide, we'll provide you with straightforward advice to help alleviate some of this anxiety, ensuring that your words are both comforting and appropriate.

What are the Catholic Burial Rites?

January 8, 2025
When we say goodbye to the people we love, we often have certain traditions. Some of these traditions come from our families, but for many people, the faith they had in life informs the way their spirits are given a final farewell. When it comes to the Catholic faith, the Church offers a purposeful way to say goodbye, one that strengthens their bond with God and the community’s faith in Christ. This tradition is called the Catholic funeral rites or the Catholic burial rites, which contain three vital parts.

Death Care in America – The Birth of the Funeral Profession

January 8, 2025
Today, our options have multiplied. We can choose to be embalmed, cremated, or buried. We can choose to have a faith-based service or a secular celebration of life. We can choose to have an almost immediate burial, or we can wait for a more convenient time. We can even choose to have a home-based funeral service. Regardless of how we decide to say good-bye to our loved ones, we have access to the guidance of caring professionals: our local funeral directors, who operate under the guidelines and legal requirements of the state in which we reside.

Dressing for a Funeral: Comfort, Respect, and What to Wear

January 7, 2025
Attending a funeral is one of those things that makes everyone pause, not just because of the emotional weight, but also the big question: "What do I wear?" Let’s discuss.

Embracing Family in Funeral Planning

January 7, 2025
When it comes time to say goodbye to a loved one, the focus of the funeral often naturally falls on the family. It's the people who loved and knew the deceased best—spouses, children, grandchildren, friends, and even coworkers—who come together to remember and honor their life. After all, a funeral serves primarily those who survive; it is a rite that helps us shift our focus from the circumstances of death to celebrating the life that was lived.

What’s the Difference Between Entombment and Interment

December 20, 2024
There’s a lot to consider when looking for either your or your loved one’s final resting place, to the point that it can be easy to get overwhelmed. The decision only becomes more complicated when you’re met with unfamiliar vernacular. One choice you may have to make is between entombment or interment. But what exactly do those terms mean? And what’s the difference between interment and entombment?

What is a Retort? Is it the Same as a Crematory?

November 20, 2024
The world of funeral homes can be filled with unfamiliar terminology, and keeping track of it all gets confusing. Talking about cremation is no exception. So, what does it mean when someone says that they’re going to a crematory? What about a retort? Are those the same thing? Let’s break down the difference between these locations that are crucial to the cremation process.

When Should I Start Thinking About Planning My Own Funeral?

November 20, 2024
Not everyone preplans their funeral, but doing so is a gift to your loved ones. By doing so, you’re allowing your family to grieve in peace without having to worry about the hundreds of decisions that accompany the funeral-planning process. You’re also giving your family peace of mind by telling them your wishes for your funeral and final disposition. Since they know what you would have wanted, they won’t have to worry about whether or not they’re making the right choices.
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